While the experiencer is no more, source material becomes readily available through memories that have not yet been filtered out from the subconscious. By being presently void of the necessity to continually grab hold of more experiences, this space allows the ability to begin cleaning back into the depths that may be more tangled and deep than the viewer once presumed. And to think that I ever had an egoic thought that the phase after the 'experiencer' would be boring. Rather, it seems a space where less of the ego can inhabit, and therefore allows for the purifying and cutting of the attaching subconscious material.
This final summer break before graduation has been quite the adventure. Starting off with breaking my collarbone skateboarding and having my first surgery was definitely an experience of taking on yet again a more rounded perspective. While I was dismayed at first by having to cancel trips to Europe, my misunderstandings had quieted down to embrace the perfection of timing in all things once more. The adventure of experience isn't the same and will not be for the rest of this existence as myself. I had seeked far away travels to countries and trips to places I had never been, until this collusion of experience showed me the adventure is only ever now - not in some 'far off' place.
The consequence of coming to realize such a profound truth by a broken bone now seemed distantly mere. It's difficult to hold a camera since it's still a bit heavy, so I went back to using the black India ink I started using last summer. With that, watercolor then introduced itself and then sewing. Combining all three to represent one message has been a wonderfully peaceful and connectedness state I would have otherwise missed had I been physically traveling around this summer. Instead, the travels within have been of the grandest I've adventured. The change of adventure inward has been an end to the external alone, and this transition is one that feels a great blessing.
To straddle between this or that - the ultimate duality persistent throughout this planet perspective. To remain unfettered by it all, seated right in the center by nothing no stronger than a thin piece of string that keeps just enough ego alive, before completely exiting the perception of form's dualism.
In the process of making this, it was as if I was reading a poem through each impression on the paper. It is of suffering through a darkness of wounds that have yet to quite heal. While they begin to block portions of the light, it still has not took over. The darkness, the bold part of it, had finally ended. Now, as time has passed the wounds are beginning to be treated with the greatest care and fragility. This state will last for some time, patience is to be harnessed. Those soft marks ease the light to grow again through their tender whispers of love.
This painting done in the middle of the night helped me to see more clearly the experiences I have gone through, their importance, and equally their strong connection that still remains through my physical identity despite my desire to forget it. I am more conscious of it now then I was before, and this is the sole reason I am unendingly pulled to express.
Darkness still creeps
She doesn’t yet detect
It’s remains of selfish boast—
A cold and heavy host
Light begins to circle
Where serpents once wrapped
The bones of her legs —
A ceaseless cycle of death
Now she moves in spirit
As light transforms her pain
Halos of angels ring sweet praise —
In a dance of cosmic rays
Light gently wisps her head
Where a noose once remained
Forcing her to see a land —
Mirages of drought and shame
Now a lush land of God grows
Through her eyes now transformed
For she has finally found —
The essence of source's crown
Art is a form of journeying towards the understanding of the oneness. For example, I do not need to make a physical art form out of each experience I go through. While true awareness recognizes the complete unity within all, this physical existence as you know it to be true isn't quite as present to the ultimate truth. For some situations, they are instantaneous and therefore require no physical expression labelled as art in order to understand the direct connection. Other ones continually reoccur from past experiences that still remain unsolved towards the human perception of the unified connectivity in the now. Those deep experiences require additional 'time' for the physical existence to understand. Due to this reoccurring theme, I must create a physical art of perspective replication and creation in order to get to the ultimate connectedness transcendent beyond the duality of 'other'.
Ultimately, it is a matter of societally deemed sanity. Art is my physical language to search, express and understand the ongoing journey of shedding from the past and existing purely and fully within the present moment that exists just beyond my two windows. Art is my language on how to heal. Without art as my companion to Self from the physical standpoint, I would be lost within the samsara I have once lived before.