No one can understand what I have experienced unless they have experienced it in their own way. To meet the abyss of emptiness in its fullness, to be completely obliterated by death. This is why I change so often, because who I really am is that emptiness. I don’t feel tied to parts of my personality. Those traits are malleable, whose roots stretch back to nothingness itself. I am not my personality, I merely have a personality. Why? Because you can’t play the game without one. You cannot exist in culture and experience the game without being someone. But when I’m home, when I’m alone, when I’m with people that I trust, I don’t have to be anyone. I become just being. - written 5/21/2021