To Be

To be. To be anything at all. How very strange it all is when you stop. When you stop and find yourself outside of your normal routine. Outside of what you have become accustomed to. What has come to define you. It’s trippy to get so rooted into a routine and suddenly the sky opens and you don’t know what tomorrow will look like. You don’t know what it will feel like. You don’t know who you yourself will be. And you realize you never really knew, you were merely caught in the illusion that you know what was ahead. It’s a wonder to be alive at all, a bizzare and strange wonder.

Creation Through Non-Creation

To create art outside of oneself is a noble, penultimate pursuit. To embody the art into the fabric of your daily life is the ultimate creation.

External art and the making of such has been a way for me to make my own clearing - to forge the path my soul was destined to walk through. While there is no point of arrival, there is one of eternal arrival. Eternal arrival is found through embodying that which was once sought.

Timeless

I’m not interested in being a voice of the time. That voice is temporal, fleeting. I am interested solely in allowing the voice of the timeless to speak through me.

To Awake On a Crisp Morning (Poem)

in

Dreams,

Dreams,

Jelly beans.

I toss and turn

Like a laundry machine.

I dance in the night

Unafraid of the curse.

I smile in the sun

Knowing I’m my cure.

Love is here in my very bones

Wrapping me in blankets

Like an oversized coat.

The plane floats away

As the leaves turn green.

The train passes by,

Oh what a strange dream.

Poem Drafts

in

I feel held together by threadbare shoe strings

And worn out elastic 

But he said I spin the finest of silks

_

I reside beneath the guise of personality 

A busy mind makes a foggy mirror

Spirit is synonymous with light

You are spirit disguised as human

06/25/96-03/23/23

in

My brother
Michael is dead.
I danced around him
In a blue tutu as children.
I snuck him sweet chocolate
And we rode the rocking horse.
Our parents took us to the zoo,
He was always smiling, my silly,
Sarcastic, sensitive little brother.
He could not speak but he spoke
My name when we were children.
He taught me the wordless gift of
intuition and what the spirit world was like.
We would watch his eyes and know that he
Was dancing with the angels in divine light.

Oh Brother, I Love You So

in

Oh brother, I love you so

We shared more than blood,

We shared a light-filled soul.

An ineffable bond I could not know,

Not truly until you went back home.

But now that you’re there, 

I sense your presence everywhere.

I feel the thread between your soul and mine,

One day we will dance together in the great divine.

Blue swirls drown my soul

in

Blue swirls drown my soul

As we sit and wait for the unknown toll.

I anguish in a green taxi waiting in traffic -

I see the beauty in her mismatched outfit.

The pain of your death is searing

And yet somehow it helps me see more clearly.

All that is real, true and worth the most

Is that which no man or mind can compose.

We have to be our own sunshine

in

“How Infectious!”

Infection!

Get the jab or die!

FEAR! DIVISION! ANGER! 

(The changing faces of suffering)

What has happened to this world?

He was only talking about

The infectious affect

Of her radiant smile.

She told him, 

“With a world as dark as ours,

We have to be our own sunshine.”

Trust That All Is As It Ought To Be

in

Ah, how wonderful a teacher emotional pain can be, if we allow it! How marvelous the fear of what will happen, the grappling with moments of life when that dark heavy cloud refuses to leave you alone, how beautiful, how wonderful, if we allow it. Ram Dass called these types of experiences ‘grist for the mill,’ helping us to refine, refine, refine. Darkness helps the light to crystallize. Darkness helps to wake us up, to let us see how much light we were ungratefully basking in prior to its arrival, if we let it. Darkness is not inherently bad, for without it our dualistic minds cannot know light. The deeper the darkness, the stronger the light. So long as we are humans, we must work with our minds, so better than to wish for a life free of darkness (fear, anger, agitation, worry, doubt, etc.), enlightened are you who seek truth, to embrace all, to push away nothing, to allow all things to unfold naturally. Beyond the mind, there is no dark and light, beyond the mind, we understand they are birthed from the same source. All is one, but when we engage in this life, caught up in its game, duality pervades all. Learn to flow like water, to dance with the ebbs and flows. Even if life is not how you think it ought to be, trust that it is how it ought to be, as it is, in this moment.

Unknown / Known

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There is much in this temporal world I do not know, but from the timeless center of the universe, where all is unknown, I know. (And herein lies the limits of language, for language is a poor, lowly tool when it comes to communicating the inner knowings of the soul). For of course anything unknown cannot be known, that is what the mind says anyways. Only those who ‘know’ the ‘unknown’ can know what ‘I’ ‘mean’ by such language. Remember, language is merely the humble servant, a finger pointing to the true essence of things.

In Darkness, Light

in

In the deepest of darkness, eternal light revealed itself. Death is not the end, but a portal to another dimension, another plane of being.

This experience feels a cousin to that of Camus’ experience which inspired him to write that famous (often misquoted) sentence:

“In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.” - From Return to Tipasa