Trust That All Is As It Ought To Be

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Ah, how wonderful a teacher emotional pain can be, if we allow it! How marvelous the fear of what will happen, the grappling with moments of life when that dark heavy cloud refuses to leave you alone, how beautiful, how wonderful, if we allow it. Ram Dass called these types of experiences ‘grist for the mill,’ helping us to refine, refine, refine. Darkness helps the light to crystallize. Darkness helps to wake us up, to let us see how much light we were ungratefully basking in prior to its arrival, if we let it. Darkness is not inherently bad, for without it our dualistic minds cannot know light. The deeper the darkness, the stronger the light. So long as we are humans, we must work with our minds, so better than to wish for a life free of darkness (fear, anger, agitation, worry, doubt, etc.), enlightened are you who seek truth, to embrace all, to push away nothing, to allow all things to unfold naturally. Beyond the mind, there is no dark and light, beyond the mind, we understand they are birthed from the same source. All is one, but when we engage in this life, caught up in its game, duality pervades all. Learn to flow like water, to dance with the ebbs and flows. Even if life is not how you think it ought to be, trust that it is how it ought to be, as it is, in this moment.

Unknown / Known

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There is much in this temporal world I do not know, but from the timeless center of the universe, where all is unknown, I know. (And herein lies the limits of language, for language is a poor, lowly tool when it comes to communicating the inner knowings of the soul). For of course anything unknown cannot be known, that is what the mind says anyways. Only those who ‘know’ the ‘unknown’ can know what ‘I’ ‘mean’ by such language. Remember, language is merely the humble servant, a finger pointing to the true essence of things.

In Darkness, Light

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In the deepest of darkness, eternal light revealed itself. Death is not the end, but a portal to another dimension, another plane of being.

This experience feels a cousin to that of Camus’ experience which inspired him to write that famous (often misquoted) sentence:

“In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.” - From Return to Tipasa

Fear of the Future

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The future is unknown. We can either fear it or embrace it. If you find yourself stressed out about not knowing what will come next, you are trying to control the future. And what is the desire for control rooted it? Fear. Embrace the unknowing. We have survived this long, and our present moment has unfolded into where we find ourselves now. The general consensus I feel around me is that the world is growing increasingly darker, but that is no reason to loose ourselves to that shadow of fear. Is it easy to fall into the gaping mouth of eternal darkness? Yes, of course. It is not easy to withstand its power, and yet it is more than possible, with the tools of a strong spirit and quiet mind.

While I am spiritual, I was raised to be religious, and this whole idea of the future reminds me of one of my favorite verses, Luke 12:27 -

“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”

What can stress and worry add to the quality of our life? None. It increases our blood pressure, makes our mind race and fill with doubt, it throws us far from the subtle but powerful core of our spirit, of intuition, of our soul. Sit in silence until you find that silent center of your self, there all questioned are answered. In the silence, all becomes known through the unknown.

The Resilient Seed

If resilient, a seed can grow through bad soil. While this is so, the bad soil, lacking essential nutrients, stunts the growth of the resilient seed. If your growth feels stunted from an environment, move to more nutritious soil, take action over the quality of your life. No one but your own inner voice can tell you where that new plot of land resides.

"You Create Your Reality"

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“You create your reality.”

We’ve heard this phrase so often that our minds gloss over its essential significance and fundamental truth to our experience on this planet. That is the risk of something becoming overly saturated, we become numb to its divine subtleties. In order to resurrect those ideas and beliefs that are foundational to our souls, we must slow down and sink into the significance that those four words represent. To be alive is to be engaged with each and every experience, down to the subtle feeling of your hair falling over your ear to the thoughts that pass through the vast and mysterious ocean of your mind. We cannot change that which we are not conscious of, so in order to grow we must remain aware to our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. The monk is one who watches the thoughts waft around ones mind until all attachment to thought and body ceases and the individual transcends all forms of separateness altogether. This is an enlightening experience, but if no one is home, so to speak, then how can we decorate our inner temple? For some, emptiness is the ultimate state of being, and while I believe it is important to know how to tap into that space of emptiness within oneself at will, I do not perceive it as the ultimate goal like I once did. Rather, I am focused now on harnessing the natural mechanics of our mind for personal growth and evolution of self. Watch the seasons, they do not cling to remain as they are, but effortlessly evolve from one state into the next. Everything changes and yet it all remains the same. That is the journey, to evolve our temporal reality on this planet into that of our dreams all the while knowing that at the center of our being, we are a timeless, infinite soul.

My own personal journey with actively creating my reality is about evolving my questioning of “what if my reality doesn’t match the reality that others hold?”. This questioning comes from a fear of being perceived as having a mental disorder if my version of reality is perceived as too different from someone elses. But we as individuals are not subject to the reality of others, we are not bound by anything but our own perceived limitations. Only you alone hold yourself back, only through your own accord can you attain that reality of which your highest self awaits your arrival. The paths of others may occasionally cross with yours, or maybe even run parallel, but know that the path is yours and yours alone to travel. You owe it to yourself to live an authentic life, free of fear of what others may think. You are your own temple, practice living in your authentic truth. To end with yet another overly saturated but essential phrase, “the truth shall set you free.”

Ephemeral Sight / Corporeal Body

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Of all aspects of the human form, I have discovered that it is eyesight that I have most heavily and reoccurringly identified with the most. This was realized when I was sparring at the gym the other night, and my instructor reminded me to not lead with my head. I wasn’t even aware I was leaning my body forward, because I was focussed on seeing the target as close as possible. It was a reminder to identify and use the body as a whole and holistic tool - my arms and legs will always be my longest extensions to reach my target, the head remains behind the arms for protection but also so that I can see the whole picture. By keeping proper distance, I can view the scope of my entire opponent, from toes to head, and therefore set myself up best for attack and defense. Sight is essential, but is instead more properly used as a kind of background viewer, able to take in all visual stimuli while simultaneously acting as a way to keep the head out of danger from attack.

Nothing in Particular

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Night Light scenes from my apartment in New York City, 2022

I had nearly forgotten the quiet incubator of taking the time to do nothing in particular.

Pure Being & the 'Cultural-Self'

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The version of myself that I am when in culture begins to feel like a prosthetic once I am able to gain some distance. When I get closer towards the space of timelessness, where the shifting sands of culture are non existent, I am clear. Here, there is no rollercoaster of emotions. Here, there is no personality, no distinction between ‘me’ and ‘you’, there is only the ecstasy of pure being. Here, in eternal unity, I am home.

But such a state I find cannot be maintained when living in the heart of contemporary culture, when you are always someone to someone else, when you have a job to perform, etc. The state of pure being exists in a non-hierarchally higher realm than the realm of culture. The culture-self is but an avatar that pure being experiences physical existence through. When one remains in the avatar for long enough, the culture-self begins to feel real and final. And it usually requires something tragic or heavy, some sort of unbearable pain to rouse us from this familiar automaton state, so that we may realize our true nature.

My view towards the culture-self is tinged in disdain and nihilism, and that is my own personal work to unravel in time. Maybe it is simply because I often view culture as a world of entrapments instead of a field of play. All I know in this moment, is that my disposition is best suited to the woods, in a quiet, slow place who nurtures peace and solitude. It is this kind of environment that feels like an extension of myself, or myself an extension of it.

“I love not man the less but nature more” - Lord Byron

Mental Transmutation

When a negative thought arises, see it for what it is: an illusion based on a habitual pattern of perception. Transmute the negative thought into a loving one. What you experience as reality is experienced in the mind; control your mind and you will eventually come to live the life of your dreams.

Veiled by Clarity; Confused Conduit; To Be A Mirror of Eternal Selves

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Veiled by Clarity; Confused Conduit; To Be A Mirror of Eternal Selves (Self-Portraits), 2022

Ordinary Enlightenment

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All of my art is made from a space of love for the everyday - for sights and moments that often go unnoticed and under appreciated. These moments, predominantly of natural light, do not call out for attention, but are perfectly enlightened in their own presence - wishing neither to be noticed or to become more beautiful. These moments are perfectly themselves, and each time I witness them, it feels like a gift: I am peering into a realm accessible to all but entered by few. These moments are my ephemeral and ineffable gurus.

“The luminous and shocking beauty of the everyday is something I try to remain alert to, if only as an antidote to the chronic cynicism & disenchantment that seems to surround everything, these days. It tells me that, despite how debased or corrupt we are told humanity is and how degraded the world has become, it just keeps on being beautiful.” - Nick Cave